Cancer Man Sending Mixed Signals: Why It Happens & What to Do

Cancer man sending you mixed signals?

Cancers are such a sensitive, caring zodiac sign, it’s a shock when they go cold and ignore you.

It’s confusing AF, and it hurts when it happens.

But it really helps to understand why a Cancer man might be acting really into you one day and like you don’t exist the next. 

Want to know if your suspicions are correct, or if there’s another surprising reason for his baffling behavior?

I’m giving you the Cancer man’s dirty little secrets about what he’s doing when he gives you mixed messages and what you can do about it when he gets distant.

Happy birthday! 🎂🥳

Cancer Man Sending Mixed Signals: Why It Happens

Cancers are complex, contradictory beings.

They’re so loving and tender, yet they do confusing sh!t all the time that makes you wonder if they even know what they’re doing.

It’s like they’re yelling at you, “Love me! Go away! Come here! Give me space!” all at the same time.

As both an astrologer and a Cancerian, I believe we can blame the Moon for that.

The Cancer zodiac sign is ruled by the Moon, which in astrology rules your most irrational, emotional, unconscious self.

The Moon transiting a water sign like Cancer or Pisces is the planet you blame when you cry during a Kraft Mac and Cheese commercial.

Emotions are not rational.

They’re messy. They’re difficult to pin down. 

They don’t obey.

So then how do you figure out why a hard-to-read Cancer man is being affectionate with you one day, then distant and unresponsive the next?

The answer almost always boils down to his emotions.

He’s either protecting them, or trying to tame them.

But let’s unpack this more and explore the individual reasons that trigger a Cancer man to be fickle in relationships.

Read Next: 20 Cancer Man Turn-Offs to Avoid

He Hasn’t Figured Out How He Feels About You Yet

The Cancer man’s inner state is in constant flux, just like the Moon that rules him.

The Moon is not very stable.

It changes constantly.

If you look at the Moon every night for a week, you can really appreciate how rapidly it transforms its appearance and position in the sky.

Cancer men’s emotions are changeable like the Moon—hence the famous Cancerian moodiness—making it hard for him to determine what’s what.

With all those emotions duking it out inside of him, it gets pretty exhausting.

This is why, sometimes, he seems to go back and forth with you.

He needs to take a step back and figure it out.

Analyze what he feels for you.

Is it love? Is it “like”? Infatuation?

There’s a lot to process before the Cancer man can be confident about moving your relationship forward.

I promise, the Cancer man is not trying to drive you crazy.

This is a necessary part of his process to make sure he’s equipped to jump off the diving board and not die.

Nearly everyone who gets involved with a Cancer will tell you they’ve had this experience of not knowing where they stand with them.

And you can usually blame it on the atomic bomb of feels creating chaos inside of them.

He’s Terrified of Getting Rejected

Another thing that commonly happens when you’re dating a Cancer man is that he starts backing off out of fear of rejection.

Cancer men are like a raw nerve walking around in the world.

They feel exposed all the time, even though their hard shells keep them well concealed and protected.

In the beginning of a relationship, a Cancer man needs a ton of reassurance.

He needs to hear consistently that you think he’s amazing, that you want to spend time with him and no one else gets you like he does.

And even then, the little voice in his brain will pop up:

Yeah, but what if she doesn’t really mean it??

There’s kind of no getting around this.

It happens to every Cancer man as he’s getting close to someone and he can feel his guard slipping.

He starts to worry that he cares too much, he loves too hard and needs to tone it down or he’s going to get his heart broken. 

He’s been told before that he’s too sensitive.

Too emotional.

Just too much.

So he pulls back every now and again to create the emotional distance that he believes is more par-for-the-course in the typical dating world.

He’s Not Feeling the Love from You

Feeling like he’s putting more effort in than he’s receiving is a huge issue for the Cancer man.

If you’re not showing him love because you were told he needs the incentive to chase you, you’re going about it all wrong.

His hot-and-cold stunts are a result of his overactive brain once again.

He’s at home dwelling on each and every opportunity you missed to show him that you want to be with him.

Quite simply, you’re not giving him enough to go on.

A Cancer man won’t put a toe over a friendly boundary without a clear, almost explicit invitation.

And definitely lots of positive feedback and encouragement.

Is the Cancer man doing everything short of actually trying to get your digits and ask you out?

Ask yourself if you’re doing enough to show your interest in return.

Better yet, just ask him out.

You’ll see how fast he takes you out on that long-awaited date he’s been planning in his head.

He’s On Defense Mode

When a Cancer guy is feeling hurt or offended, he retreats into his shell. 

He stops being affectionate. 

His communication dwindles to nonexistent.

Usually this can be traced back to some interaction you had with him.

He’s reacting to feeling rejected, confused or uncomfortable.

Did you have an argument?

Or maybe not an all-out argument, but a moment that got tense and went unresolved?

This will push a Cancer man immediately into standoffish mode.

Let’s say he feels like you low-key rejected him by not calling him after a hot, steamy night together.

Or he’s the one who didn’t call you right away because he was afraid of appearing clingy, which you took as his lack of interest and went on a date with someone else.

And he found out.

It can get pretty convoluted pretty quick with a Cancer man.

But it very often comes back to his insecurity regarding what you want with him.

He’s still interested in you, so he checks in to find out what’s going on with you.

But something’s bugged him, so he’s not going to fully open the door for you.

He’s Changed His Mind

Sometimes when you’re getting mixed signals from a Cancer man, it’s because he’s lost interest, or he’s decided he just wants to be friends.

Instead of telling you, he’s trying to slide into a friendly, non-romantic space with each other.

However, he’s pretty bad at it.

He’s kind and speaks to you affectionately when you’re together, but you can never reach him on the phone.

He always says “Maybe next time” when you say “Let’s get together,” but you can never get him to commit to plans.

It’s because he’s trying to save you from getting hurt.

Or so he tells himself.

On the one hand, this is total bullshit.

On the other hand, he really does hate the thought of letting you down.

As natural nurturers, Cancers have a strong protective instinct.

They want to shield you from harm, emotional or otherwise, like a parent shields a child.

And while that sounds nice, sometimes this quality over-expresses itself in a negative way.

In this case, trying to shield you from reality, but ultimately it’s not for your benefit.

He’s lying by omission, hoping that at some point you’re going to give up trying.

The Cancer man, especially an unevolved one, fails to acknowledge that to be upfront is the greater form of mercy.

Because it allows the other person to heal and move on.

Life Got Too Real

Sometimes, just sometimes, it’s got nothing to do with you. 

The Cancer man is reacting to some other stressor and has gone into shutdown mode to focus on self-nurturance.

He feels under attack by something going on in his life, and all of his emotional energy is being focused on keeping the stress at bay.

Cancers are also prone to depression, and falling into a depressive state will also make them avoid you.

They don’t like you to see them in this state.

If this is the case, the Cancer man will usually reach out at some point, maybe after a couple of weeks.

He’ll apologize and open up to you about it.

If he doesn’t—if he remains politely detached and you can’t appeal to his need for emotional comfort—then something else is going on.

Usually, it means that he’s not invested in you.

Which means he’s not truly interested in being together.

You Pushed Him Too Hard

If you were very gung-ho about pursuing a Cancer man, it might have been too much, too fast.

While it’s a good thing to let a Cancer man know in no uncertain terms that you like him or you want to be with him, it’s necessary to give him a little space to sit with that knowledge.

He needs to feel like he has some control over the situation.

It’s overwhelming, even if he’s romantically interested in you.

When he cools things down, he’s really guarding his heart.

Cancer men fall in love quickly and have the impulse to jump in with both feet.

But this is exactly why they resist.

The Cancer man isn’t sure that it’s safe yet.

So you get this push-pull action from him.

Don’t worry, it’ll pass if you’re patient.

If you keep reaching out and get no response from the Cancer man, it may be a sign to give him a little space for a while.

It was good to put it out there that you’re still interested in being with him, but now it’s time to step back and give him the chance to react.

Whatever you do, don’t pull away now.

In his mind, it’ll prove to him that he couldn’t trust his feelings.

Just keep the communication on your end consistent.

Take things one step at a time until the Cancer man sees that the situation is stable and it’s safe for him to come out of his shell.

He’s Got Emotional Baggage

Cancer man dancing around pursuing you even though you know he has feelings for you?

Sometimes he won’t allow himself to be with someone because he’s been hurt before.

For better or worse, he has the emotional memory of an elephant.

And he has a bad habit of pulling the past into the present, stuck in the performance of troubled love.

Early on in life, a tender little crab learns what happens when he serves up his heart on a silver platter indiscriminately.

It’s a harsh lesson for emotional Cancerians.

They need to learn how to heal and let go.

It’s not your fault, and it’s certainly frustrating to deal with.

Trust me, he knows what he’s losing out on.

But the martyr in him is strong.

Someone Else Is in the Picture

Just because Cancer men are sensitive and shy doesn’t mean there aren’t manipulative jerks born in Cancer season.

Now if a Cancer man is back and forth with you, I don’t want you to jump to the conclusion that he’s seeing someone else.

Cancer men aren’t your typical playboys.

They really do want to find their one true love and dedicate themselves to that person.

The problem is, sometimes when a Cancer man is getting bored and something shinier comes along, it instantly grabs his attention.

If you check his social media, you might see evidence of him hearting or commenting on the same woman’s stories and pictures.

This can be concerning.

Cancer men aren’t great at covering their tracks.

But you probably don’t need to even go and check.

He won’t be able to hide it when you ask him.

His voice will change. He’ll pause and stammer.

Probably get overly defensive. Then you know something’s going on.

His Ex Popped Back Up

As I touched on before, Cancer men are very involved in their pasts.

This means that if they dating someone they were very attached to, some part of them will always remain attached to them.

Or perhaps I should say, it’s easy to stir up sentimental feelings for a Cancer man.

This is one reason he usually doesn’t try to be friends with his exes.

It’s too difficult to cut the cord.

If you’re getting close with a Cancer man and you know his ex-girlfriend is back in town, you may have your answer as to why he’s putting you on hold.

Then coming back when he realizes it wouldn’t work out with her again.

When a Cancer Man Becomes Distant, What Should You Do?

If a Cancer man is becoming distant out of nowhere, don’t let it go on unaddressed.

It’s too easy for him to let the distance grow.

If you respond with silence and distance, the Cancer man’s imagination will run wild.

I was right not to trust my feelings.

If she really cared, she’d make more of an effort.

No matter what the reason is for his distance, something needs to be said to break the spell.

Even if he’s dating someone else, staying silent allows him to delude himself that his behavior is justified because he’s following his feelings.

So first step is to address it.

In a nonconfrontational way, pull the Cancer man aside—-or text him if you can’t get him in person—and say,

“Hey, I noticed that you seem to be getting distant. Is there something wrong? I really like you and I want us to be there for each other.”

Something like this tells him that:

1. You know something is up, so he can’t hide it, 
2. You really care about him, and 
3. You’re not going to put up with being shut out.

It’s the carrot that works with a Cancer man, not the stick.

And yet, you have to show some firmness in that you’re not willing to be sidelined.

Be gentle and understanding, but have the self-love and confidence to make it known how you expect to be treated.

A Cancer man will respond to this.

If he’s serious about you, it’ll be the push he needs to get out of his own way and pursue you.

If he isn’t, it’ll force him to confront the situation and tell you he’s not ready for a relationship.

He may not tell you the whole story.

But at least you’ll know where you stand with him.

When a Cancer Man Is Emotionally Unavailable?

When a Cancer man is emotionally unavailable, it usually means someone hurt him.

He’s become broody and distrustful.

It’s not easy to break through his walls when he’s adamant about keeping them up.

Cancer men are extremely determined.

If your guy has locked up his heart, there may not be a whole lot you can do.

He has to realize that denying himself a loving relationship is as much about continuing his own pain as it is about protecting himself.

I just wanted to make that clear before I went ahead and gave you a solution.

Because it doesn’t always work if the Cancer man isn’t ready to face his pain.

It depends on where he’s at in his healing journey.

The best thing you can do is keep showing him you’re there for him.

Without pestering him, let him know you would like to be the one who listens. The one who takes care of him.

That you think he’s really special and you’ll be there when he’s ready.

Your patience and reassurance are the only things that could convince him to open up to you.

And even then, it could take many months.

It could take a year.

Cancer men are an emotional investment.

But that investment continues to grow and pay you back in the form of an emotionally rich, soul-nourishing connection.

How Do You Know When a Cancer Man Loses Interest in You?

You can’t tell very easily when a Cancer man loses interest in you at first.

This is because he’ll keep being sweet and kind to you.

But if you notice, he’s only being that way with you when you’re face-to-face.

And you’d have to corner him to get face-to-face with him.

Otherwise he’s out of reach.

He makes himself completely unavailable.

He doesn’t initiate any communication with you.

Maybe he replies—a day or two later.

He won’t set a date to see you—he always says he’s busy right now, but maybe another weekend.

The Cancer man losing interest in you looks like polite distance.

He demonstrates zero intention of getting close to you.

This doesn’t change, either.

Not with time, and not with patience.

Nothing can make him step towards you in a romantic or sexual way.

He just turns off, and stays off.

When a Cancerian Man Is Done With You?

When a Cancerian man is done with you, look for the emotional shutdown.

He’ll turn that valve off completely.

He can be nice, he can be courteous.

He can even keep his commitments to help you out and do you favors.

But the emotional intimacy that you shared is so clearly gone.

He’s not running to you for support.

And he isn’t offering to give you any either.

He’s most definitely not spending time with you.

If you try, he’ll act like you’re being too needy.

If you show vulnerability, he might become irritated because he doesn’t want that connection with you anymore.

When does he ever make you feel important, special or needed?

If the answer is never, you know he’s over it.

It can be hard to tell because he’ll still water your plants when you go away.

Just remember, a Cancer man hates looking like a bad guy.

But it’s all surface when he no longer feels the romantic urge with you.

Signs a Cancer Man Just Wants to Be Friends

Here are some easy-to-miss signs that a Cancer man would prefer to be friends with you:

• He’s friendly to you, but he’s careful not to be too touchy-feely with you.
• He hugs you but his hugs aren’t any longer or tighter than the ones he gives his other friends.
• He still tells you things and relies on you for emotional support sometimes, but your connection never goes beyond this. He doesn’t seem to need more attention than this.
• When you get too close, he seems to back away. He won’t hang out one-on-one unless he feels like you won’t put too much meaning into it.
• He doesn’t seek out your approval, compliments or validation.
• You’ll sense that he genuinely likes you, but he’s never romantic with you. Nor does he reciprocate your romantic gestures.
• If you were to ask him on a date, he’d get really awkward and stop calling you for a while.

Final Thoughts

I hope this guide has given you some insight into the way a Cancer man operates.

Getting mixed signals from him sucks.

And since he dislikes confrontation, he probably won’t stop until you reach out and bring the conversation to him.

Cancer men don’t want to be forced into anything, but they do need a gentle nudge.

Handle him with care, yet let him know in no uncertain terms what you want from him.

Hearing this from you can push him out of his bubble and stir him to action.

Frequently Asked Questions About Cancer Men

Signs a Cancer man has feelings for you

A Cancer man gives many signs that he has feelings for you if you pay attention, such as:

• Letting you see his vulnerable side
• Sharing intimate details of his thoughts and feelings with you
• Showering you with attention, gifts, offers to help you and texts to brighten your day
• Vanquishing your enemies for you
• Protecting you in any and all ways
• Giving you a glimpse of his moodiness to see if you can handle it

Read More: Clear Signs a Cancer Man Has Feelings for You

How does a Cancer man test you?

Let me count the ways:

• Making you sweat a little to gauge your sexual interest
• Hinting around taking you out on dates and getting you to make the first move
• Letting friendship turn into romance
• Pushing you away temporarily to test your concern for him
• Trying to figure out what your ideal romantic partner looks like
• Giving you chances to prove that you’d choose him over all others

Read This Article: How Does a Cancer Man Test You?

Cancer man turn-offs

Cancer men are turned off by selfishness, cruelty and rudeness.

They like softness and sweetness, not loudness and coarseness.

Being too direct can also turn a Cancer man off if he ends up feeling pressured.

Do Cancers have mood swings?

Oh yeah.

Cancers have mood swings almost on the daily.

They won’t always let you see them, though.

They’d prefer to have them at home, in comfort, out of the public eye.

How to know if a Cancer man is thinking about you?

A Cancer man tends to follow his heart.

If he’s thinking about you, he’ll get in touch with you.

Probably to say something sweet or compliment you.

He likely won’t jump straight to asking you out.

And it might take him a while to send the text to you because he’s agonizing over the perfect thing to say to make you go, “Aww.”

What is the love language of a Cancer man?

Cancer men have a mixture of love languages including physical touch, acts of service and quality time.

Some Cancers speak all five love languages relatively equally.

They’re very open to love and can feel it in all its various forms, no matter the gesture.

What do Cancers struggle with?

Cancers struggle with maintaining an internal emotional balance.

They often end up feeling like slaves to their emotions, which deeply bothers them.

Many Cancers also struggle with martyrdom.

They make up narratives where they need to make sacrifices when maybe none are needed.

Often, Cancers also struggle with giving up emotional control.

They can get manipulative when they feel like they’re not getting what they want.

But this stems from a feeling of unworthiness and an inability to give themselves what they really need, instead of always seeking it out from others.

Signs a Cancer man is not serious about you

A Cancer man who is not serious about you will disappear.

He’ll ghost you without apology.

He might feel kind of bad ignoring you, but it’s better than having to tell it like it is.