Uh-oh—think your Cancer man might be testing you?
How does a Cancer man test you?
Fear not, I have answers for you.
The problem is not that his tests are subtle, but that they’re confusing.
Cancers are indirect. They never say what they mean.
This is coming from a Cancer, by the way.
Today I’m going to give you all the Cancer man’s relationship tests, and the secrets to passing them.
Don’t worry, I’m not being a traitor to my fellow crabs.
Your Cancer man would be happy you found the cheat sheet. He WANTS you to pass.
The biggest reason why so many people fail with Cancers? Because they have no idea what Cancer men need.
When you’re done reading through this guide, you’ll know exactly how to respond to a Cancer man’s emotionally charged relationship tests.
No need to thank me.
I do it for all crabs who unintentionally make their tests so confusing to navigate, even they would need a map.
How Does Cancer Man Test You?
A Cancer man tests these four main areas in a relationship:
- Your emotional availability
- How dedicated you are to him
- How you handle his emotions
- Whether you have long-term potential as a couple
He’s going to try to suss out if a relationship with you will be stable, committed and emotionally fulfilling.
For the most part, a Cancer man will test you by being passive.
By that I mean he’ll set up situations where you’re forced to take action.
Usually by taking a step in his direction.
That way, he’ll know you’re really true in your desire to be with him.
When he communicates, he’ll beat around the bush, getting you to fill in the blanks.
He’ll ask you “theoretical” questions about love, dating and relationships, but they’re really about you if you look beyond the surface.
If he engages your emotions, it’s to gauge your responsiveness.
It’s all so that he can assess who you are and how you feel about him deep down, to gather evidence of your love and loyalty to him.
Prepare yourself, because a Cancer will test you more than your average zodiac sign.
Read Next: Cancer Man Sending Mixed Signals: Why It Happens and What to Do
Why Do Cancer Men Test You So Much?
Because they are deathly afraid of letting the wrong person in.
The wrong person being someone who uses them or takes advantage of them in some way.
Cancer is an extremely self-protective sign.
Just look at the crustacean that represents it—the crab—with its hard outer shell.
That’s the only thing standing between the soft, tender crab and its demise.
When they’re looking for a mate or entering a relationship, Cancers aren’t really worried about compatibility.
They’re much more intent on preventing themselves from getting attached to a cruel, callous or detached partner.
Discovering your shared interests is not unimportant to Cancers, but it’s secondary to discovering how emotionally receptive you are.
Cancer males would date someone who isn’t conventionally their “type” because they believe they can make any relationship work if the emotional connection is there.
What they want to know is whether you’ve got what it takes to make them feel safe, secure and loved.
And if you’re down to start a family someday.
11 Tricky Cancer Man Tests and How to Pass 💯
He Tests Your Attraction
As soon as a Cancer man senses that you’re attracted to him, he’ll put it to the test.
In this early stage, he’s getting a read on you.
Are you really attracted to him, or is it all in his head?
You’ll notice that he suddenly gets quite close to you, whereas before he was happy standing an arm’s length or more away.
Now when he talks to you, he leans in, almost close enough to touch heads, tilting his head downward sort of bashfully.
He’ll make physical contact, like giving you hugs.
He’ll find ways to hover close to you—so close that you can feel his body heat.
It will never be lewd or inappropriate—he’s always able to make it seem totally natural.
At the same time, it’ll be super hot.
It’ll give you butterflies.
He may look innocent, but he’s trying to make you sweat.
And then he’ll look deep into your eyes and smile, searching for the truth.
You can’t hide it from a Cancer man.
He can always feel it.
What Should You Do?
Respond with your body language.
Lock eyes with him for a second or two, give him a big smile and then look away shyly.
Cancer men absolutely melt into a puddle for this.
You want to respond to the Cancer man in a way that confirms you’re into him.
At the same time, show some restraint.
If you’re an Aries, this might irritate you a bit, but being super direct is not the way with a Cancer male.
It’s the suggestion, rather than the direct expression, of your burning desire that is much more effective.
Cancer is ruled by the Moon, the queen of the night, ruler of dreams and the unconscious state.
As we all know, in dreams, nothing is straightforward.
Our dreams are loaded with veiled meanings and symbolic messages.
It’s in this world of murmurings and hidden meanings that the Cancerian feels energized and enlivened.
Bottom line: Reveal your attraction to him, but leave something to his imagination.
He Tries to Get You to Make a Move
Now that he knows you’re attracted to him for sure, the Cancer man will test how willing you are to put yourself out there.
He wants you to prove to him that you really want to be with him.
And there are many sneaky little ways that he might do this, so be on the lookout.
Like stating how cool it would be to find someone who wants to go with him to see his favorite band play a show next Thursday.
You can almost hear his plea: “I WONDER WHO WILL COME WITH ME???”
Let’s say you were hanging out, it’s time to go home, and now he’s standing awkwardly in your doorway, not quite leaving but not quite staying.
It seems like he wants something, but he doesn’t dare say it.
This is him testing your desire.
His goal is to get you to make the first move, which he so badly wants.
But he’s too respectful, or too scared of rejection, to take the leap and do it.
What Should You Do?
Girl! Make that move!
If you want to be with a Cancer man, it’s very important to show very clearly that you want him.
You almost have to spell it out for him.
The Cancer man will go home and languish in his unrequited affection if you don’t take him by the hand.
In the case where he’s awkwardly standing around waiting, give him a hug.
Or a kiss.
Or even verbal confirmation that you had a wonderful time with him and you really want to see him again in the next few days.
Whatever feels right for the moment depending on where you’re at in your relationship progression.
What he’s searching for is reassurance from you.
Give it to him freely, without holding back—don’t take his hesitance as a sign that you should also hesitate.
It’s just him trying to make sure this is what you really want.
Make no mistake, if he points out the art gallery he’s dying to go see, he’s not just casually mentioning it.
That’s him trying to ask you out.
He wouldn’t mention it to you otherwise.
So go ahead and say, “Hey, maybe we could go together?”
He’ll be so over the moon.
He Offers Friendship First
What if your Cancer man says he wants to be your friend?
One of two things could be happening.
One is that he really, truly is just trying to draw the line at friendship.
The other is that he’s using the term “friendship” as a means of making you comfortable. In this case, he thinks you’ll get spooked if he’s too forward romantically.
The only way to know what’s going on is to think about two things:
- What unspoken signals you’re giving the Cancer man, and
- Whether you have any feelings for him.
Think about whether you’ve indicated to the Cancer man that you’re just friends.
Maybe you introduced him as your friend to someone.
He will remember this and take a cue from you as to how to proceed.
The thing is, though, you’re attracted to him.
Or maybe you have feelings for him.
He can pick up on that.
In fact, he’s sensing that so keenly that it’s confusing him, so he’s decided to use friendship as a title to define what you are right now.
Secretly, he hopes that it will develop into something more.
Maybe you never verbally defined it as friendship, but you’re holding back on your feelings towards the Cancer man.
He’s very sensitive to that.
You’re projecting your hesitance, thus he is acting hesitant too.
What Should You Do?
Whatever you do, a Cancer man in the beginning stages of dating or a relationship is going to mirror you.
This is why you have to be careful about the tone you set with him.
If you want him, don’t call him your friend.
Don’t act like you’re just friends.
Give him your affection and attention.
Allow yourself to give into your feelings.
Go with the flow. Remove the emotional barriers with him.
You can’t lie to a Cancer man—he knows how you feel.
But he needs to see that your words and actions are aligned with what he senses from you.
If you’re reading this and thinking, “Yeah, but maybe he really does just want to be friends??”
Test it yourself.
Make a small but clear move towards him that is beyond friendly—
A long, lingering full-body hug.
Holding his hand and looking into his eyes.
Heck, even telling him you’d like to try being more than friends would do the trick.
The trick with a Cancer is to be c-r-y-s-t-a-l clear, but not overwhelming.
If he feels the same way about you, he’ll take you up on that invitation and waste no time getting closer.
If not, he’ll let you know that, too.
The Cancer Man Shares Secrets With You
At some point, if a Cancer guy likes you, he’s going to tell you a secret of his.
There will be a moment when he lets his guard down and gives you an intimate view inside of his mind.
That’s the moment the test begins.
It’s the test of your ability to create an emotional safety net for the Cancer man.
He needs a profound sense of security with you before he lets your relationship progress.
A sense that you two can share the most intimate, gory details of your psyches and neither one would run away.
What Should You Do?
Meet the Cancer man’s attempt at vulnerability with sincerity and appreciation.
Let him know that you really appreciate him telling you what’s on his mind.
Ask him questions that allow him to open up more, adjusting to his comfort level.
Listen to him with an open heart and judgment-free mind.
At some point, share something intimate with him about yourself.
This will give him a chance to show you his boundless compassion and understanding, strengthening his feelings for you.
And of course, keep what he tells you between you two.
These moments of bonding are extremely beneficial for your romantic potential if you seize them.
You just need to show the Cancer man how supportive and fulfilling your relationship could be.
He Lets You See Him Upset
As most everyone knows, Cancers are the moodiest of moody.
Their emotional swings are intense and frequent, especially compared to non-water signs.
Which is why the Cancer guy’s gotta know if you can hang.
If he lets you see him get upset or angry about something, or just down in the dumps, that’s a huge sign that he’s testing your reaction to his emotional state.
If he weren’t testing you, he wouldn’t let you see it.
Cancers have the instinct to scuttle off and hide in their shells when upset.
They don’t want anyone to see them or come near them until they’ve had a chance to process and they’re not feeling so raw and exposed.
So when a Cancer guy is allowing you to see him in his more frantic or dysregulated states, it’s basically a request for acknowledgement.
What Should You Do?
Don’t leave.
Right now, he doesn’t need space—he needs nurturing.
Cancer men need demonstrations of your care for them.
Hug him. Hold him. Physically comfort him.
Your body language has a bigger impact than your words.
Remember, Cancer is a feeling sign.
Sit with him and don’t rush him through his feelings.
Allow him to talk about what’s bothering him—or to not talk at all.
Empathize with him.
Don’t try to find a neat answer to his problems.
Empathy is the best response to a Cancer, no matter what their mood is or what’s bugging about.
All the Cancer man wants is to know that you’re a safe harbor when the storm clouds roll in.
He Pulls Away
Cancer men pull away when they feel insecure.
Something might have happened within your relationship that gave him the impression he needs to protect himself.
Maybe you had an argument, or he thought you were interested in someone else.
Most likely, something made him feel like his needs weren’t important to you.
If this happens, the Cancer man will go from calling you daily to ignoring your texts all week.
This is tough because when he shuts you out, it can feel so hurtful.
His walls seem impenetrable.
But I assure you, they’re not.
What Should You Do?
Interestingly, the right way to respond is the same way that you would react to him opening up to you about what’s bothering him.
Give him care and comfort.
Text him to let him know that you’re really concerned about him and want to come by to give him a cuddle.
He might ignore you at first, but stay persistent.
I know. It’s not easy being ignored.
Don’t go on texting him several times a day if he’s not responsive.
Just a text here and there, a real solid attempt to communicate and show that you’re committed.
Be gentle but a little firm in that you’re expecting him to respond to you because you’re worried about him.
Then give him a chance to answer.
Cancers are really annoying in how much proof they need of your dedication to them.
But if you want that soft, snuggly inner crab, you have to pass this test.
Only when the Cancer man feels he can trust your sincerity will he open back up to you.
He Asks What You Want in the Future
Where do you see yourself in the future?
Your Cancer man is going to determine whether you want the same things.
He might ask you if you want kids one day, or if you see yourself as a dog mama for life.
What are your feelings on marriage? Monogamy?
Is marriage a piece of paper to you, or is it an unbreakable link?
Cancer men don’t care so much if you’ll go golfing with them on weekends 15 years from now.
But they do want to know if you can see yourself settling down in the ‘burbs with a white picket fence and 2.4 kids.
The Cancer man is probably not going to say, “If all goes well, would you want to marry me someday and start a family?”
He’s more likely to ask you about your stance on marriage and children “in general.”
It’s going to be roundabout the way that he says it, but anchoring for a definitive answer.
Cancer is a feminine sign, and feminine signs feel around for the answer rather than going straight to it.
Which is why you should never assume anything is a “simple question” when a Cancer asks it.
What Should You Do?
Be completely honest with the Cancer man.
You don’t have to dance around the fact that you want 10 babies if you do.
He’ll find your motherly instinct cute and endearing.
On the other side of things, if you want to stay single as a pringle in the eyes of the government because you believe marriage is a bogus institution, don’t hide that.
You may think you know what the Cancer man wants, but sometimes you’d be surprised.
Not all Cancer men need the white picket fence.
Something else to consider is how much worse it would be to not state what you want.
Imagine when you’re further down the road in a relationship with the Cancer man.
If he were to think that you allowed the relationship to continue while knowing one of you would be denied what you wanted out of life, it would deeply hurt him.
And in all likelihood, be the end of the relationship.
He’s very all-or-nothing.
Cancer is not a mutable sign—mutable signs can shift gears and make things work.
They’re cardinal signs, the signs that push things in the direction of what they want to happen.
This is why the Cancer man will ask you in the first place where you see yourself, to make sure you can both accomplish your big, overarching life goals.
He’ll happily compromise in a relationship as long as both of you eventually have what you want.
But he won’t sacrifice his deepest desires, so find out together whether you’re ultimately on the same journey.
He Asks About Your Ideal Partner (and Talks About His)
Does the Cancer man seem interested in talking about what you’re both looking for in a long-term partner?
This is partly to see how closely he fits the bill.
But that’s not the only reason.
It’s how the Cancer man ensures you both get what you need in a relationship.
Maybe you’re looking for a partner who listens and is emotionally available, but also gives you a lot of space.
The Cancer man has that first part down. But knowing you need space will prompt him to do his best to keep his clingy nature in check.
Because your soulmate would do that for you.
Cancers believe in soulmates, but they’re also aware that relationships take work.
They’re imaginative and have elaborate romantic fantasies, similar to Pisces.
But unlike Pisces, they’re also practical.
Cancers in relationships are like what you would get if you crossed the Pisces dreaminess and idealism with Taurus pragmatism.
It’s not about finding the perfect partner.
It’s about becoming the perfect partners for each other.
What Should You Do?
Share with the Cancer man what you really want in a relationship.
He really, truly wants to know.
Don’t worry if it seems like you’re asking too much.
You’ll be delighted at how accommodating Cancerians are when they care about you.
Cancer men will make your needs their highest priority.
Although, I should warn you, they expect the same in return.
If you haven’t stated that you want to be officially coupled up with the Cancer man, now is a good time to move the conversation in that direction.
You’re looking for someone sweet and sensitive to come home to…someone just like him.
You’re Meeting His Family
So.
You’re dating a Cancer man and he’s floated the idea of attending an upcoming family reunion with him.
This is not a casual invitation, it’s—that’s right—a test.
Cancer men are family-oriented individuals.
Usually they’re very close with their families, even if they fight a lot.
No matter what, the opinion of family matters tons to him.
So it’s pretty standard to bring a new girlfriend around his parents and siblings to get the fam’s consensus on his choice of a mate.
What Should You Do?
Go to that family reunion and charm the heck out of them.
It’s important to accept the invitation in the first place. Otherwise it might make the Cancer man feel kind of second-tier to you.
But also when you go, my best piece of advice is to not rock the boat.
Even if the Cancer man’s obnoxious uncle is there crushing Budweiser cans on his head and broadcasting his politics all over the place, best to avoid the drama.
Instead, focus on charming those closest to the Cancer man.
Like Mom, Dad, bro and sis.
And his grandparents.
Cancers are big on respect for older generations.
If you knock it out of the park with his close family members, you’re going to help solidify your place in his heart.
But what if he isn’t on good terms with his folks, yet you know you’re going to interact with them?
The main thing here is to provide comfort and stability.
If you can meet his crazy family and not run for the hills screaming, you must be really special!
Loyalty Checks
Every Cancer male needs to know in his bones that you’re loyal to him.
That you’d rather be with him than some muscly dude other women go gaga for.
He might mention how much he wishes he were taller, bigger, smaller, more ripped or somehow different.
Which is your cue to reassure him that he’s perfect in your eyes.
But loyalty to a Cancer man means more than just not leaving him for a hotter guy.
It also means showing him that you’re willing to put him first.
If you just started dating, this might look like him asking if you’re going to that big Halloween party tonight?
Or would you prefer to stay and watch horror flicks and eat popcorn with him?
What will you choose—the party or your Cancer man?
But let’s think of another scenario.
Let’s say you have one friend who’s been kind of rude to the Cancer man.
He’s no damsel in distress, but he does expect some show of loyalty on your part.
If you don’t do it now, what will you do down the line in a relationship?
What Should You Do?
At the end of the day, make sure the Cancer man knows you’d choose him.
This doesn’t mean you have to coddle him.
But it does mean making a concerted effort to show that he’s a main character in your story, not an NPC.
Demonstrate with your actions that his feelings and experiences matter to you.
There will be other Halloween parties to don your Catwoman suit at; tonight the Cancer man needs a cuddle buddy.
Always have his back.
If your friend is ragging on him, practice your diplomatic skills and get everyone to play nice, or end the interaction.
He would definitely do that for you.
He just needs to believe you’re down for him the same way he’s down for you.
Affection Testing
Cancer men are some of the most affectionate partners of all time.
They love to shower you with little gifts and tokens of their affection.
They’ll sprinkle in “I miss you” texts throughout the day.
And somehow they’re always touching you so that they can maintain a connection with you.
No, really. A Cancer man will need to have at least one foot touching yours when you go to sleep at night.
I wouldn’t say that all affection you receive from a Cancer man is a test.
That would be weird.
However, it can become a test if you’re not affectionate back.
That is, if you were to roll away from the Cancer man when he was playing footsie with you, that would make his brain go crazy with thoughts of whether you love him or you’re just playing with him.
If you think I’m exaggerating, I’m not.
Cancer men are emotionally high-maintenance, but it can be kept in check when they’re with the right person.
The right person being someone who enjoys the amount of praise and physical touch a Cancer man needs to give and receive to feel loved.
What Should You Do?
The answer is obviously to show affection back to him.
However, it’s not so simple if your love language is acts of service and his is physical touch.
If you have a hard time keeping up with all the displays of affection, try telling him often—every day if you can—how much he means to you.
Remind him that he’s your big squishy teddy bear and you can’t live without him.
Even if you get too hot to cuddle to sleep, and that’s why you roll over—not because you don’t love him.
When you’re dating a Cancer man, it helps to keep in mind how very sensitive he is.
You’re not going to avoid all the mental traps he can get himself into.
But a little reminder here and there that he’s the best thing since sliced bread goes a long way.
It’s the effort that counts the most to him.
If you’re making consistent efforts to show him love in your own way, he’ll see it and appreciate it.
But do make sure to give him a little butt pinch every now and again.
Final Thoughts
By now, I hope it’s clear that the Cancer man’s tests are all his ways of getting assurance that you’re there for him, and that you’re sincere in your feelings about him.
He has to confirm that you’re in his corner before he can fully open himself up to you.
No doubt, he wants to share hearts and souls with you.
He just needs to prove to himself beyond a shadow of a doubt that it’s safe to do so.
I wish you all the best with your Cancer man and if you have any questions, you can always drop me an email.
Frequently Asked Questions About Cancer Men
How do you know if a Cancer man is thinking about you?
Most of the time, when a Cancer man is having sweet or sentimental thoughts about you, he’ll reach out.
Cancers are very motivated by their emotions and take action when they feel something.
On the other hand, if the Cancer man is confused by something you did or he’s upset about some interaction you had, he probably won’t contact you.
Instead, he’ll ruminate and try to figure out the perfect way to respond to you next time.
What is the biggest red flag of a Cancer man?
Not saying what they really want and then getting their feelings hurt because of it.
Being emotionally manipulative to get what they want because they know your weak spots and they don’t like being direct.
Becoming possessive when they’re feeling insecure about your relationship.
Never learning how to admit and talk about when they’re mad or upset with you.
What makes a Cancer man tick?
The need to feel emotionally safe with someone makes a Cancer man tick.
All of his actions are driven by his desire to find that one person he can let his guard down with.
Security is big with Cancer men and they will keep testing until they feel like they have it.
How does a Cancer man act when falling in love?
Signs a Cancer man is falling for you include:
- Seeming attached to you
- Giving you insights into his private thoughts and emotional life
- Giving you with constant attention and affection
- Getting comfortable letting you see all sides of his personality
- Taking care of you
- Sharing many stories about his childhood
- Spending a ton of time together
- Worrying about your safety and wellbeing
What are Cancer men attracted to?
Being a feminine sign, Cancer men are usually most strongly attracted to the other feminine zodiac signs (the earth signs and other water signs).
Why is that?
Because these signs naturally possess mutual qualities that Cancer men have built-in receptors for like patience, sensitivity and emotional depth.
If you’re not a water or earth sign and Cancer men are attracted to you, you probably have strong earth or water placements in your birth chart that give you nurturing, feminine qualities.
If you’re curious, I’ve written all about what attracts a Cancer man.
How do Cancers act when they’re jealous?
A Cancer’s go-to move when they’re jealous is to disappear.
They’re non-confrontational and won’t let you know that they’re jealous.
Although you can tell by the way they absolutely remove themselves from your sphere if they think you’re giving unfair attention to someone else.
Their intention is to get you to come to them, hat in hand, and show them that they’re still Numero Uno.
How to win a Cancer man’s heart?
The best way to win a Cancer man’s heart is to display vulnerability.
Lean on him for support.
Show him that you need him, that he’s the only one who can soothe your emotional aches and pains.
Cancer men are nurturers and this will fuel their desire to care for you.
This leads to feelings of love and devotion.
As long as you can also nurture him in return, the two-way flow of security and support will steal the Cancer man’s heart.
When a Cancer man ignores your text messages?
If a Cancer man is ignoring your texts, he’s probably feeling hurt.
Cancer males are quick to shut off communication in order to protect themselves.
Waiting to respond to you until a few hours later is not necessarily a sign that he’s upset.
However, consistently waiting to reply until the next day or not replying at all does show that something is up.
How do Cancers act when they like someone?
When a Cancer man likes you, he starts giving you hints without giving himself away.
He’s too nervous to tell you outright.
So he throws out comments about how he’s into girls who have your very same qualities, hoping you’ll pick up what he’s putting down.
Since he doesn’t like to approach someone he likes in mixed company, he waits until you’re alone to try to connect with you.
You’ll notice that he’s shy, but also very persistent.
Take heed, it can be easy to confuse his signals as friendly vibes if you’re not used to all the subtlety.
What will make a Cancer man chase you?
Being friendly and straightforward about what you want with the Cancer man is what would make him chase you.
More than most other signs of the zodiac, a Cancer man needs hard evidence that you’re interested in him before he goes after you.
Try saying something like, “I like you and I think you like me too. If you ever want to grab coffee and get to know each other, I’m available.”
Then leave it at that.
This kind of unambiguous invitation is all the Cancer man needs to come running.
Recommended Article: Do Cancer Men Like to Be Chased?
What to text a Cancer man to make him smile?
Something cute and adoring.
Cancer men dig sincerity and would love to have a little testament to your fondness for them.
A simple “I miss your cute sleep noises” text would make him smile from ear to ear.
That, or showing concern for him in some way.
For example, asking him if you can bring him soup and a sandwich from Panera on your way past his place today.
If you want to make a Cancer happy, the answer is always to make them feel cherished.
How long does it take for a Cancer man to tell you he loves you?
There’s no simple answer to this, but it wouldn’t surprise me if the average Cancer man took longer than usual to tell you he loves you.
This is not because he doesn’t feel love for you.
It has to do with the fact that Cancers are afraid to give someone the keys to their secret heart.
They instinctively avoid vulnerability.
The thought of having their hard shells stripped away to reveal their tender, beating hearts is almost painful.
But they’ll do it when they’re ready—after they’ve finished doling out all their little tests, that is.
Signs a Cancer man is not serious about you
If a Cancer man weren’t serious about you, he’d be very wishy-washy.
He’d be sweet and available to you sporadically, when it suits his whims.
But otherwise, he’ll be closed off and difficult to reach via text or other means.
His replies to you will generally be slow or nonexistent.
When you get him on the phone, he might make it sound like it’s all in your head that he’s so distant.
But this is because he’s avoiding confrontation.
His actions spell it all out.
I'm a professional astrologer and psychology enthusiast. I offer lots of free relationship advice and astrology dating tips as well as private consultations at decodethezodiac.com.