20 Key Signs an Aries Man Is Using You (And What You Can Do)

Do you suspect that an Aries man is using you?

Not sure if he’s a player and want to defend yourself against his shenanigans?

I don’t blame you and I’m here to support you.

Aries is not the zodiac sign of players per se, but there can definitely be a tendency for Aries folks to get what they want out of a relationship and move on.

This is a self-oriented sign and as such can exhibit some selfish behaviors in love and dating.

But there are plenty of signs along the way when an Aries man is using you, such as:

  • Refusing to be exclusive with you
  • Having no sympathy or remorse for his cold or thoughtless behavior
  • Acting irritable, rude and bored with you
  • Saying you’ll hang out but never actually doing it
  • Ignoring you when you need his help or support
  • Not listening, being affectionate or showing interest in you
  • Being distant and unresponsive
  • Being emotionally unavailable because of a previous relationship

I’m also going to talk about what to do when an Aries man is using you towards the end of this article, so check that out as well if you’re looking for a solution.

Let’s dive in.

Top 20 Signs an Aries Man Is Using You

You know an Aries man is using you when he seems like he doesn’t really care.

He doesn’t show any particular interest in your thoughts, feelings or personal life, and he doesn’t give you any real insight into his.

His behavior towards you is lukewarm and his effort romantically speaking is minimal to non-existent.

Yet he keeps coming back (for one thing, anyway).

Without further ado, let’s dissect the signs that the Aries man might be playing you.

Read Next: How to Get an Aries Man to Chase You

1. You Run Into Him on Dates With Other People

Close up of the hands of a couple having coffee or tea together with a quote about how Aries men usually give you all of their attention when they date you

If an Aries man is dating other people while he’s dating you, he’s probably not serious about you.

While Aries men like to keep the beginning stages of dating light and casual, they usually keep their focus singular on one person.

They’re passionate people and they want to see where things go with you.

Which means if he’s still using dating apps and keeping his options open, he likely sees you as someone he’s having a good time with.

But maybe nothing more.

I’ll add that this is not always going to be the case with Aries because sometimes they’ll start dating other people in reaction to finding out that you’re dating other people.

Otherwise, if you see him out with someone else, it might be time to have a conversation about what he wants.

2. He’s Brazen and Shameless

Aries men have big cojones.

They will keep seeing you even if they know that you know they’re not serious about you.

They will continue to call you, expecting booty calls, trying to be cute with you and acting like nothing is wrong.

It’s only when you call them out that they might stop.

So if you suspect an Aries man is using you but he’s acting like everything is fine, listen to your gut feelings.

3. Seeing Him Develop a Close “Friendship” With Someone Else

Similarly to catching the Aries man out on a date with someone else, if you notice the Aries man getting cozy with a new person, you might be getting sidelined.

Maybe he’s now friends with a hot chick on Facebook. Or he’s liking all of her stories and pictures on Instagram and you believe he’s also DMing her.

Maybe he’s spending IRL time with someone new, grabbing lunch with them on a work break or skipping out on plans with you so he can see them (as you find out later).

Aries people have the ability to both get interested in someone fast and move on at the speed of light.

If the Aries guy is fanboy-ing someone else this week, you may find out next week that he’s already in a whole new relationship.

4. He Becomes Distant

Where he was once calling and texting regularly, giving you lots of attention, he’s backed off considerably more recently.

He was super romantic with you before, and you have no idea where all the sweetness went.

That could most certainly indicate that the Aries man has cooled off on you.

It’s different from the Aries man just being independent and taking his space.

He’ll be like that throughout your entire relationship.

What you’re looking for is if there’s a noticeable change in his behavior where he isn’t nearly as communicative anymore and you can just sense a drop in his engagement.

That’s generally a warning sign.

5. He’s All Talk, No Action

Close up of a man tying a tie with a quote about how an Aries man will typically follow through on spending time with you if he is not using you

Maybe your Aries man often tells you that he wants to see you, but when it comes down to it he doesn’t make any effort to visit.

Aries is a sign of action and when an Aries man wants something, he’ll do something about it.

You can trust what he does way more than what he says because he might be telling you that he wants to hang out just to avoid hurting your feelings.

If he’s not following through, he may be keeping you around while pursuing another romantic interest.

Or he might just be over it.

6. He Asks for FWB

Typically Aries guys are pretty upfront with what they want.

If you meet an Aries man and he says he’s only looking for something casual, a hookup or a FWB (friends with benefits) situation, you should listen to him.

It’s usually the case that he’s not open to a relationship developing.

If you were hoping that he’d catch feelings, the odds are not in your favor because he’s already closed his mind to that possibility.

7. He Just Got Out of a Relationship

Most Aries people need some time to be single after they’ve broken up with a long-term partner.

They need that freedom and space to reestablish themselves and enjoy being alone.

It’s not often that you’ll meet an Aries man who jumps from relationship to relationship.

If you do, then it might be that the Aries has some issues with insecurity.

But overall, Aries guys are not good relationship material when they’re fresh out of one and may seek temporary comfort in the arms of another attractive single person.

8. Nothing Happens Between You If It’s Not Between the Sheets

The libido within an Aries man is high. Very high.

Aries men will chase the sexual aspect of your relationship whether they’re emotionally attached to you or not. They’ll always be up for a roll in the hay.

The difference is how much effort the Aries man puts into spending time with you outside of that part of your relationship.

Does he take you out?

Does he ever ask you to join him when he’s going out with some friends?

Or are you only ever going to his place, doing the deed and then going home afterwards?

This can be a real eye-opening sign if you see a pattern here.

9. He Doesn’t Try to Impress You

Man looking away while texting on his phone with a quote about how if an Aries man does not try to impress you, he is probably not that into you

The Ram loves earning the respect and desire of someone he’s crazy about.

If he wants to be with you, he’ll think of fun dates and thoughtful little gifts for you.

He’ll be sweet and romantic and flex his muscles around you.

It’s important to an Aries man that you think he’s the smartest, coolest person around.

If you don’t get that impression, something might be up.

His typical energy is infectious and when he wants someone, he knows how to get them amped up about him.

When he doesn’t use this super power on you, it could very well mean that he’s not invested in you and it wouldn’t bother him if you stopped talking to him.

10. He Doesn’t Share Much

Aries men tend to be pretty open.

They won’t over communicate about their inner lives, but they usually have plenty to say about their ambitions and opinions.

If you find you hardly know anything about his interests, it may be a sign that he’s not expecting to stick around long.

Note that what I’m describing is not the same as being mysterious.

Even a stoic Aries man will turn into a chatterbox when you bring up a subject he knows a lot about.

If he never engages with you and he doesn’t seem interested in sharing his ideas, that should give you pause.

11. He Never Initiates With You

If you’re the one doing all of the work, something is wrong.

The Aries man likes to lead and prefers to initiate most of the time with a romantic partner.

So it says a lot about where he’s at with you if he’s playing the passive role.

By that I mean he’s never the one to text first, call you or suggest hanging out.

You’ll feel more like a passing interest to him, or that he only responds to you out of convenience and not actual desire.

12. He Lets You Flounder

Aries men love to swoop in and save the day when you’re in a bind.

It might be to help you come up with a plan to further your career or to drive your pet bunny to the emergency vet.

Whatever it is that you need, an Aries man will try to help you out—if he’s really into you.

If he’s not truly into you and he’s just using you, he won’t budge an inch to be of assistance.

He won’t offer any advice and he won’t be there when you’re struggling.

He’ll pretend not to notice or he might give you a casual “sorry” if he hears about it, but he still won’t go out of his way to offer any comfort.

13. He’s Never Available

Man working on his laptop and drinking coffee with a quote about how Aries men may be using you if they do not make time for you

…Unless it’s strictly on his terms.

If an Aries man doesn’t make any room for you in his schedule, that’s often a sign that he’s got other intentions.

Aries will move mountains if they want to be with you.

They will conquer anything, do whatever it takes to get a date with you.

Which means that they’ll be in frequent communication with you in the beginning.

They might not answer your texts right away all the time, but it won’t be like pulling teeth getting a response.

If it is like that, that’s a reason to be worried.

If you can’t get in touch with the Aries man for days or weeks at a time and he’s generally unreachable, you might want to put up some hard boundaries.

Stop reaching out to him and don’t let him have open access to you.

Either he’s going to realize that he has to work harder for you and your relationship will gain momentum, or he’s going to stop contacting you completely and at least you won’t get led on anymore.

14. He’s Not Physically Affectionate

Aries men are big-time cuddlers and physical flirts.

They get handsy with you when they like you and want to touch you all the time.

It’s sexual for them, but also a way to build a connection with you.

If an Aries man isn’t acting this way with you—except for maybe right before you get intimate—then you might need to take a step back.

Observe whether he shows other signs (like the ones mentioned on this list) of not being serious about you.

If you find that there’s a combination of a lack of affection and, for example, not reaching out to you and generally being distant and unavailable, you’ve probably got your answer.

15. He’s Rude

Aries might be a blunt zodiac sign, but they’re not ignorant.

They know the difference between being their brash selves and being disrespectful.

It’s just that if an Aries man is playing you, he’s not going to really care if you feel disrespected.

He’s going to assume that if you keep saying yes to seeing him, then you can handle whatever he says and does.

He puts it on you to shield yourself from his lack of manners.

He might say things that are unkind of hurtful even if he knows they’ll come across that way.

When you’re chatting, he might argue, bulldoze you and get aggressive.

Or you might simply notice that he gets irritable with you a lot out of nowhere.

If it’s a common occurrence that he’s not mindful of his behavior and you can’t chalk it up to depression or him going through something, it usually indicates that he doesn’t feel attached to you.

16. He Seems Bored Around You

If he acts kind of dull and unenthusiastic around you, I’d have my suspicions.

Aries men are full of life and vitality and especially when someone excites them, that energy gets dialed up even more.

A seemingly bored and unresponsive Aries who’s always looking at his phone and is unbothered by anything you do or say is a red flag.

Boredom for an Aries man is one small step away from being ditched.

17. He Never Seems Sorry or Remorseful

Couple arguing with a quote about how an Aries man will not apologize if he hurts you if he is just using you

Aries men know when they screw up.

They’re aware of their flaws and they’ll be the first to admit that they’re no angels.

And yet, an Aries man who is just using you will never own up to his mistakes with you.

He could treat you poorly—and know it—and never once apologize.

He’ll find a way to turn it around on you, possibly by saying that if it really bothered you, you would stand up for yourself.

Aries people don’t believe in victimhood, but they can take it to extremes when they’re the ones breaking hearts.

If he’s not taking your feelings seriously and shows no remorse for bad behavior, run.

18. You Tell Him You’re Unsatisfied…and He Does Nothing

If you were to tell the Aries man that you’re not satisfied with the state of your relationship, what would he do?

Would he take it to heart and start making changes?

Being an action-oriented sign, an Aries man would start putting more effort in if he were afraid of losing you.

Mind you, I’m not talking about giving the Aries man an ultimatum and expecting him to jump.

But if you were to let him know from a sincere and caring place that you need more in order to keep dating him and he didn’t do anything different, you’d have your answer—

It would mean that he’s just sticking around until you get sick of him and kick him to the curb.

19. He Doesn’t Listen to You

Do you feel listened to by the Aries man?

Does he dive into your thoughts and stories when you share them and ask you follow-up questions to learn more?

Or let’s say that you were to share something personal with him—would he seem touched that you opened up to him?

Aries men are great listeners when they’re into you.

They’ll give you all of their attention and will listen patiently to your ideas and feelings.

On the other hand, if they’re just in it for their own personal or sexual gratification, they won’t bother giving you the spotlight to share with them.

20. He Drops In and Out

A hot-and-cold Aries man who drops in and out of your life is not the kind of Aries man who will be your knight in shining armor.

He’s only around in short bursts, and otherwise he gets immediately distracted by other things in his life and forgets you exist.

He might only drop by when he’s in your neighborhood or text you out of the blue, “Hey, I’m in town tonight—you free?”

Aries guys are spontaneous, but a complete lack of planning and accountability seems fishy after a while.

Be on your guard if he vanishes and comes back into your life like nothing happened, refusing to acknowledge that it’s weird that he disappeared for two whole months.

But then he’ll do it all over again.

And Now for the Burning Question: What Should You Do If an Aries Man Is Playing You?

Blurry image of a couple walking in the grass with a quote about going into a relationship with an Aries man with your eyes open

If you suspect an Aries man is playing you, the number one thing to do is to stop letting him have full, unrestricted access to you.

Stop answering his texts right away and don’t give him a “yes” every time he wants to come see you on a whim.

That will only signal to the Aries man that you’re fine with this kind of treatment and you’ll tolerate his crap in exchange for whatever you get out of the relationship.

There’s no other way to do it—go cold turkey.

Rip the Band-aid off and put up that boundary.

It’s not that you’re trying to stonewall him, but rather that you’re establishing hard lines that he’s not allowed to cross.

By all means, be cordial and polite about it.

You don’t want to do it in such a way that he gets the sense you’re out for revenge.

If he does, he’s likely to double down and ignore you until the end of time.

If there’s any chance of the Aries man pursuing a genuine relationship with you, it has to be because he’s realized his mistakes and that he can’t keep toying with you.

The attitude you want to convey is one of self-sufficiency and independence.

You can let him know you’d like to be with him, but that these are your needs and if he can’t fulfill them, then you are fine without him.

I will warn you that this is NOT a surefire way of getting an Aries man to turn things around and cease his wicked ways.

He may respond by leaving off all communication with you, essentially ending your relationship.

You have to be prepared for that potential outcome.

With an Aries man, you always have to go into it with eyes open, no demands and firm boundaries.

If he likes you and he wants to be with you, he’ll get his act together.

Otherwise, you’ll be cutting out a player from your life and freeing yourself to find someone who truly deserves you.

Frequently Asked Questions

What is the red flag of an Aries man?

Aries men have a few red flags, including their impulsivity, their headstrong attitudes and the difficulty they have giving anyone else some leeway.

They tend to do things their way even if it bothers other people because they rationalize that everyone should be the master of their own life.

In reality, they can be reckless, impatient and oblivious to the effects of their behavior.

They can also be very aggressive and hostile when pushed beyond their comfort, and adding to that their sensitivity to feeling antagonized, they can explode out of nowhere.

How do you know an Aries man is over you?

The best way to tell that an Aries man is over you is to observe whether he puts effort into your relationship.

If he doesn’t try to spend quality time together and if he seems to lack an overall enthusiasm for you, he’s probably over you.

He might pay lip service right now, but very soon he’ll probably break it off.

How to tell if an Aries man has feelings for you?

You know an Aries man has feelings for you by the way he acts with you.

He is extremely attentive and doting.

You’ll never lack for his attention and he’ll be quick to support you in your time of need.

He’ll likely also tell you about how he feels.

Aries men are abrupt in all different kinds of ways, including in the way that they tell you they have feelings for you.

He’ll probably say it very randomly one day so that it catches you off guard. 

He’ll be very direct with you and overall, you’ll feel like you’re a priority in his life.

Recommended Article: How to Know If an Aries Man Likes You

How to know if Aries man is not interested anymore?

If an Aries man isn’t interested in you anymore, you’ll stop hearing from him very much.

He’ll lessen his communication and his texts will become shorter and less engaging.

He will resist efforts to get together and become way more cool and detached than he was in the beginning.

He can go from zero to 60 in romance, but he can also put it in reverse.

If he does, chances are he’s lost interest.

Are Aries controlling in relationships?

They can be.

Some Aries can get controlling in relationships because they want things their way or they want to feel like they’re in charge.

They may use tactics like the cold shoulder and using your insecurities against you.

Not all Aries, but the ones that do this probably have some evolving to do.

Signs an Aries man is talking to another woman

If an Aries man is talking to another woman, you won’t hear from him for a few days. Or weeks.

The reason is that he’ll get so into this other woman that he’ll focus exclusively on her.

Aries men aren’t great at balancing their attention and will usually go all out when they find someone they are really into.

But even before he drifts away from you, you’ll likely notice that he’s on his phone texting someone a lot.

Or he’ll suddenly be interacting with another woman on social media.

Signs an Aries man is sexually attracted to you

When an Aries man is sexually attracted to you, he shows it through touch.

He’ll try to grab your hand or get playful by tickling you or play-wrestling.

Aries has a lot of energy so he shows his attraction by being physical.

Other ways he shows he’s attracted to you are if he flirts very directly with you, he communicates with you consistently and showers you with compliments and attention.

Recommended Article: How to Attract an Aries Man

What an Aries man dislikes in a woman

An Aries man is not into meekness, insincerity or clinginess in a woman.

He dislikes it when he meets a woman and he gets the sense that she doesn’t have her own life or interests.

He’ll be afraid that she’ll base her entire personality on him.

He dislikes it when a woman throws herself at him, but he’s similarly turned off if she shows no interest because he doesn’t like to feel undesirable.

The best way to get an Aries man to like you is to be yourself around him and go with the flow.

Make no demands on him and just have fun being together without putting pressure on the outcome.

The dark side of an Aries man in a relationship

The dark side of the Aries man in a relationship is that he can be too focused on himself.

Aries men don’t do compromise well and prefer to do what they want to do.

This doesn’t necessarily mean that Aries men are cheaters or something—

But it does make Aries males more prone to acting on what they desire.

It might be that the Aries man chooses to pursue his career over your relationship.

Or he might be the one who always decides on the pace of your relationship, whether you move in together, where you’ll live if you get serious, etc.

It can be hard for him to really get the concept of sharing, whether it’s his stuff or the steering wheel.

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I'm a professional astrologer and psychology enthusiast. I offer lots of free relationship advice and astrology dating tips as well as private consultations at decodethezodiac.com.

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